Monday nights premiere of The Bachelorette was filled with some hot messes as the guys drank too much and let their nerves get the best of them. However, there were some stand outs that might have a chance to win Joelle Fletcher‘s heart.
The nervous, but gorgeous JoJo was wooed by a southern gentlemen who played guitar, a DJ that brought a classic R&B group ‘All For One’ to serenade her, a man showing off his Scottish heritage (and nothing under his kilt), a man with a ‘real’ unicorn and one man even gave her blue balls.
Jordan, 27. I’m thinking the top contender will be Jordan Rodgers from Nashville. He was the first guy out of the limo and JoJo felt instant chemistry with the former NFL QB and gave him the first ‘real’ kiss and first impression rose. Of course he said yes! Jordan is the brother of Aaron Rodgers, AKA the quarterback for the Green Bay Packers who is currently dating Olivia Munn. I can totally see Olivia and JoJo getting along and becoming bestie sisters-in-laws.
First impression: He was the MVP of the evening! I’d be willing to bet goes all the way to the top four.
Derek, 29. He’s a commercial banker who manages to compliment JoJo on her “good sense of self,” and work the phrase “what’s really sexy to me” into the same conversation.
First impression: Seems normal if he can stop saying sexy.
Grant, 28. Hello fireman. This guy says he likes helping people. Once out of the limo, Grant assures JoJo that he won’t fall in love with two girls. He won’t do what Ben did to her. (meaning dump her)
First impression: Seems like a sweet-heart.
James F., 34. Owns a boxing club. He says he’s coming to the show for a relationship and not a rose, and JoJo seems to like it.
First impression: He will stay for a while, but probably not for her.
Robby, 27. Robby is “former competitive swimmer,” which means “unemployed.” However, he gained points for bringing a bottle of wine and chugging it with JoJo like a ‘true’ Fletcher.
First impression: Definite contender.
Alex, 25. Alex is a U.S. Marine with a twin brother. Sorry the twin is married. Not much is known about Alex yet.
First impression: A little awkward since he will only hug her with his left arm.
Will, 26. At least he tried. Will exited the limo pretending to drop your index cards and then reading them out of order. It was kind of like a bad joke that JoJo did not get.
First impression: Awkward but adorable.
Chad, 28. He is a luxury real estate agent who seems to have a lot of pent up sexual aggression.
First impression: He likes to stand very close to JoJo. Maybe a little too close.
Daniel, 31. His job is Canadian, eh! That’s all we got except for the weird kiss on the cheek.
First impression: Is this guy Canadian?
Ali, 27. This guy deserves a chance. He seems very genuine and accomplished with magnificent eyebrows.
First impression: Keeper for now. He’s a sweetie.
James Taylor, 29. The first guy to actually take a chance and woo JoJo. James steps out of the limo with his guitar and plays a song he wrote for her. He is also a fellow Texan.
First impression: Nervous, but oh so sweet.
Jonathan, 29. The second big entrance of the night was Jon and his kilt. He is half-Chinese and half-Scottish, he assures JoJo that he is “half-Scottish below the waist.” When she doesn’t get the joke, he claims it’s open to interpretation, he also throws in an extra “I’m not wearing any panties.”
First impression: The word panties is not a great first impression.
Saint Nick, 33. He played Santa Claus. Need I go further.
First impression: JoJoJo it’s a no, no, no.
Brandon, 28. He’s a hipster. Another one unemployed. Oh and shocking for a hipster, he’s never watched the show!
First impression: Probably lives with his parents.
James S., 27. Calls himself a “superfan.” He practices in the mirror saying “I do accept this rose”?
First impression: Stalker!
Nick S., 26. He does the splits.
First impression: ???
Vinny, 28. He’s a barber named Vinny who carries around a piece of toast.
First impression: Forgettable.
Peter, 26. Shows up with a large stuffed heart and says, “I want to be your Man Crush Monday.” Kind of funny.
First impression: Creative.
Evan, 33. He was once a pastor, and when he realized that was no longer his calling, so naturally became an erectile dysfunction specialist. Evan spends his days “pumping up guys” and “getting them excited.” As he puts it, “It’s a hard business.”
First impression: Too concerned with other men’s penis’.
Wells, 31. Wells is a Radio DJ (what’s wrong with that)! And he brings along All-4-One to serenade JoJo and she loves it.
First impression: It works!
Christian, 26. He works out at 4:30 a.m. every day and is a telecoms communications tech consultant. He says he probably the driven person in the world. Hummm… He rides a motorcycle and wants to teach JoJo. She seems willing to at least take a test drive.
First impression: Interesting, the juries still out.
Luke, 31. Fun fact about Luke: He’s been feeding cattle from the back of his grand dad’s truck before he could walk. Seems like a good ole’ Texas boy which JoJo likes. He gets major points for riding a unicorn up to the mansion.
First impression: Cute.
Chase, 27. So. many. mustache. puns.
First impression: [Insert mustache pun to stop all mustache puns.]
Jake, 27. Jake is an architect, and that’s literally all we know about him at this point.
First impression: He has a job. I guess that’s one high point.
Sal, 28. He hands JoJo two blue stress balls and gives her permission, when she’s stressed, to squeeze his balls.
First impression: Funny, but no.
Coley, 27. Coley’s another one we don’t see much of. He gives a cheesy real estate joke and that’s all folks.
First impression: Definitely gone.
Lastly, one former Bachelor even showed up to spoil the evening. Jake Pavelka arrived just as JoJo was to begin giving out the roses. JoJo said, “He’s like a brother to me. I have not idea why he’d be here at all.” Jake explained to JoJo, that she could not go through this without talking to him first. He goes onto tell her, “I want love for you.” This was an attempt for the producers to add some drama to the first episode. Jake is NOT going to be dating JoJo. He is a close family friend, who is still looking for his fifteen minutes. Nice try producers!
So as Jake walks away, JoJo gives roses to: Luke, Wells, James T., Grant, Derek, Christian, Chad, Chase, Alex, Robby, Brandon, James F., Ali, Saint Nick, Will, James S., Vinny, Evan, and for some reason, Daniel, who was an idiot that stripped down to his underwear and jumped in the pool.
That means Jon, Jake, Sal, Coley, and Peter are headed home.
At the end of the night, 20 men remained to vie for JoJo’s love.